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On your person.....

Yeap, I’m judging you. For having a fuckin zebra pen. I can’t believe you.

What’s the brown knife?
I normally have a Pilot G-2 05, but they suck ass in the cold. Zebra will write a report in the Artic!

It's a Bradford M390 Guardian3. Worn about 1230 strong side horizontally
 
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I was just listing the stuff Toad got at the drug store when he tried to buy whiskey for his date, from the movie American Graphiti. You guys carry a very eclectic mix of stuff!
 
Travel package. Not included 2 suit cases of luggage
 

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"Jesus Fucking Christ!! You guys need purses."
God Damn right!!!!......, I have this light, I have that light... Ugh! If you got a Zippo, you got light, AND can start your smoker ! You Can't do that shit with you surefire XL3CIMATARD Ligh!

" AnIgot" a set of girly footwear like Crocks that fold up in my wallet and take pervy foot photos when the wife's not looking!

"Anigot" a fancy straight blade knife, but I'd never cut open packing tape with it cause that would dull its "combat effectiveness'" I carry several other folding knifes to do that mundane task that I sharpen on Unicorn horns.

I carry a key fob just so I don't look homeless, and an extra pair of socks, cause Mom said!

Jesus! What ever happened to a spare mag and some fencing pliers? And hell the horse carried the God damn pliers!

Y'all carry more crap than a mail man.... If I can even say mail MAN anymore,!! Maybe Mail "sorta humanoid" but maybe nonerectus cause that might be construed as trans!! or Michael Jackson..... So yeah y'all need a purse!!!
 
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